For My Dad

When my fater and I had a fit, we weren't even at any grounds. In anger, I then expressed that he never encouraged me on what I did. Istead he said, "why should I do so? You are not disabled to be motivated. You can do, and you have to do it."

Then, the words were undoubtedly heavy to accept because rage, anger and anguish prevented me to reach the core. Not being able to see through the words, I further grew stubborn and looked for a way out. At that time, the only one I had with me was tears and I choked for no one knows how much I adore my fater and love him. Indeed, unlike to my girlfriend, I have failed to convey how much I love him. I love you dad.

Everytime he scolds me, I believe that he doesn't care or love me. The reason is simple. I feel angry. However, when my anger ceases, I realize how much he cares, how much he loves me, and wishes for my well being and prosperity in the ensuing years.

I wonder if his scoldings are ways to make me strong to the world where I am soon to enter; world all on my own, a world which is filled with selfishness, vulgarity and drunkardness abound. A world where I only have to cope by acting on my conscience, judgement and rationality. Upon his words, I crumble and retreat to those tears which failed to fall when my grandfathers passed away...retreat to those tears which falls when he cries...those tears which fall only when he scorns or chides me.

My fater, god bless him, is an inspiration to me. A person I always look upto...a person who motivates me when he scolds me. However, I cannot express these words to him for I am a man, and men are not allowed to express love. Everytime he scolds me, I promise to "show him" that I'm worthy...worthy to fight the world, cope with it and live with dignity and honor.

I once had a dream where i was at the airport with my luggage. I was going abroad for my studies. My father was infront of me and we shared an embrace of departure. Then, I had said, "Dad, I'm going as a son, but I'll return as a man, and then, when I return, I will not hug you like now, but shake your hands," after that, I woke up. Although my dream then ended, the words continue to echo deep down my heart and mind. And indeed, like the dream, I want to be a man, and shake his hands. Consequently, I continue to strive, reach a place where we are no longer father and son but are men, intellectual and professional men in formal attire!

Dad, the sole erason I am writing this piece is to express my gratidute and love towards you. The very things that I've never entioned. I frequently remember your words, "Pratik, learn to be grateful." But I am grateful. Grateful to have you as my father despite some fits that raises at times. I am grateful that I have you with me for I know, even when the world goes against me, you will be with me...or that is what I wish to believe. I am also grateful to our arguements because eventually, it will help me be strong, and that is what you want from me.

Dad, the moment you depart, I am all on my own. I know that I will falter for I love you a lot. Even when I won't have you, I will have your words of wisdom that I've well internalized. Its essence, I've felt, but like my love to you, I've left it unexpressed. Dad, ever you read this note, just come and give me an embrace. An embrace of love on which I want to weep till my tears run dry. I Love You Dad.